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"I wanted to hide myself away and curl up into a ball, but though itwould be easy, so very easy to go down that path I couldn't let myselfsuccumb to self-pity. That wasn't who I was and I wasn't going to letthis turn me into that person. No, I had to keep moving. At some pointI would deal with the enormity of what had happened to me, but not now.I needed to distract myself with action, to get used to moving throughthe world like this as fast as I possibly could. Today was Saturday. OnMonday I fully intended to return to work and not give anyone reason tobelieve that anything was wrong. However, my firm resolve weakened abit when we reached the street and I grabbed Martin's arm."I understand," he said patting my hand and giving me a smile ofencouragement. "Even though it's not, this feels like your first timeout in public dressed as a woman."He was right, and I was annoyed with myself. But I still kept hold ofhis arm all the way to the local Underground station. People looked atme, of. I said nothing, giving her time to voice her thoughts. I needed to get out of this thing and get back to trying on what I came to try on. "Does Dan spank you?" said Jen. "I bet he does."Does Dan spank you? I guess my eyes went to Jen, probably to verify that this was one of her more outlandish jokes. All I saw was her eyes still watching me, apparently in thought. "Good god," I said. But as I watched her, her expression went to one of question. As if I needed to explain myself. "No," I said, and immediately felt it wasn't the answer I wanted to give. I'd answered as if I'd taken the preposterous question seriously.Suddenly she smiled. It was like she popped out of whatever mood induced her into such musings, yet there was just a little something in her smile that suggested she still had something in mind. "I need to get on with it," I said, and headed for the dressing room with the skirt I'd been intending to try on before Jen had talked me into this detour.Even when I came out.
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